after so long of not understanding why you are like you are, after years of assuming that becoming normal will be like a lightbulb going on, there he is, holding you and kissing you and everything you ever feared is crushed instantly, somehow. Somewhere, in the heat of his embrace you forget you were ever scared of how tight arms can be, and how easily a man could end you.
so i find it, i finally find what everyone else is raving about, and is it moving somewhere? anywhere? i wouldn't be so invested but he is the only one in a long line of potentials that make me feel like this. with only a kiss, i'm out of my head. what the hell. it felt bigger than my life before our first kiss. i left him one night and realised there was no where else i wanted to be but back with him. and the first kiss was even better than i'd imagined. not fair. totally not fair.

i've been totally awol from LJ, i need to rectify this. i've missed like a zillion prompts for 100_ghosts...

Oh, my heart just softened a little.
Going out of my head at work, having such a hard time focusing, and there’s deadlines people! Deadlines!
Anyway, this song just came on my ipod, and it sort of slapped me in the face…I can’t believe I never connected it to Sam and Dean befoRE...

( Family Tree - Ben Kweller )

Sigh.

ETA: Though Cat Powers' Sweedeedee is so, so perfect as well. I downloaded someones SPN playlist the other day (sorry I can't remember whose), and I swear that thing should be the definitive fucking playlist. Cat Power was on it, and Scythian Empire by Andrew Bird, The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us by Sufjan Stevens, Look Up! by Mirah. Some of it is inexplicable (like Scythian Empire...as she pointed out, Dude it's about the Scythian Empire), but there is something so complete and gentle about the whole thing. I guess it's the quiet Sam and Dean, the ones that I'm waiting to find a story for. I can feel there's one coming, and it will be a big one, about the quiet mornings, eyes on the road, the painful knowledge that there is not one without the other, that there is nothing without the other. I don't know.
I've had Sweedeedee in my head all day:
we used to live in a fleabag apartment, you know the kind. And you'd come home and say to me, we have to leave the city. I'm with you in the morning, until the break of day. I know everybody has a little hard luck sometimes. I know lately, I been having mine...

So, a thousand years ago when I was in the LotR fandom I wrote (what I remember being...) a kickass fic under the name of either Michelle or Materialista called We Are All Made of Stars.

It was Dom/Elijah, sort of based around weather metaphors or some shit like that, anyway I've been looking for it for EVER because the website I'd archived all my fics on was lost lost lost and I would really like to read that one again. It was at least posted to those old gems Closer than Brothers and LOTR_RPS, and probably elsewhere as well, but I can't for the life of me find it again.

Anyone remember anything like that? Or have any ideas about how I can find it? I've googled the shit out of it, to no avail, so I'm thinking if anyone has it, it's just on their hard drive or something...waaah. I wantses.

Ahhhhh I've called in sick, I'm settled in my nice cool bed all wrapped up in quilts and blankets and pillows, I've got a cop of tea and some shortbread, and there's nothing between me and devouring aaaaalllllll those bigbang fics.

If I need a change of scenery I can go and watch all those gg eps with Sammy Dean that I IQ'd off foxtel.

I might even go crazy at one point and print out some fics and have a nice long hot bath.

What a great day ♥

Blossoms
Yellow Eyed Demon, PG
SPOILERS FOR AHBL2
Prompt: Home Court Advantage

( All those long years planning, since he set it all in motion... )

The Taste of You
Sam/OFC, R
100 ghosts: Gluttony

( Sam was bathed in sweat, on his back, cheek pressed into the pillow. )

Not a Damn Thing
Sam, G
100 Ghosts: Sloth

( The spring was just forming, rising up from the silent cover of winter. )

So, I was never that fond of Gilmore Girls, mainly because they just never shut the fuck up, but my parents just got foxtel today and I'm home sick and it was on and then there was Sammy, but he was Dean, and he was skinny and cute and kinda an arsehole, and the whole show was actually kinda charming...DAMNIT.

I can't afford to like another TV show, especially one that went like 6 years and has waaaay too much backstory and the DVDs'll be expensive...

I like Luke. I don't want to kill Lorelai. I've obviously changed.

Ok, RUN DON'T WALK here to read Olivia's AMAZING HOT sam/jess/dean AU fic "Who Favor Fire".

I'm talking serious amazingness, like this feels like it could be actual canon.

I'm still all hot and bothered by it :D

In other news, Roadkill wasn't as bad as I was lead to believe, but it was incredibly obvious.
Heart is next week, and I'm all WTF IS UP WITH ALL THOSE VEINS UNDER SAM'S SKIN WHEN HE'S HUMPING WHOEVER THAT CHICA IS? Ew. I know he's cut and buff and all, but I don't need that shit messing with my few and far between Sam fantasies...

Like a Whore
R; Dean/Sam
No Spoilers, for Lust prompt

( Dean has his own ways of dealing with lust. )

From here , John's diary from the WB site for Supernatural.

Dean sneaking into Sam's bed? CANON, MOTHERFUCKERS.

"December 4th, 1983: ...Dean never budges from my side - or from his brother. Every morning when I wake up, Dean is inside the crib, arms wrapped around baby Sam. Like he's trying to protect him from whatever is out there in the night..."

"December 11th, 1983: Sammy has finally started sleeping through the night, and now that Dean shares a bed with him, he's out like a light too..."

and, sob:

"December 25th, 1983: ...Mary will never see Dean hit a home run, she'll never see Sammy walk, or hear him say his first words. She won't take Dean to his first day at school, or stay up all night with me worrying the first night he takes the car out. It's not right that she's not here, and it's all I could think about today."

Can I also add I'm like exactly 17 days younger than Sam?

Ohhhh why am I so sick before my birthday?! Not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also panicking because I have an interview with Defamer tomorrow morning...editorial and admin assistant. You had to send in examples of defamer-style writing and, yeah, they called me. But if I got it, awwww I would feel terrible about leaving my current job, even though I’m only a contract temp type thing – I LOVE MY BOSS, and would hate to dump her with the task of trying to implement a new payroll system as well as pick up the payroll that I do…anyway. It would be exciting, getting to surf the web for gossip all day, which is exactly what I do now, just that the payroll sometimes gets in the way of that :D

In other news…sevenfists linked to a summary of Jensen’s con chat, and OMG HE WAS NAKED DURING THE SEX SCENE IN ROUTE 666. This, for some reason, has blown my mind. BLOWN IT DO YOU HEAR? When I read that (at work mind you), I went straight to my trusty ipod that conveniently has that (annoying, stupid, but HOT) episode on it and watched it again, oblivious to the abundance of finance co-workers around me. The Deany Deany goodness of that sex scene has just increased A THOUSAND AND 50 FOLD because I now know HE WAS FUCKING NAKED.

I need a cold shower.
Or Dean.

In other news, I have a Little Birdy lyric in my head "true love ain't doing me no good" and do you think I can find the song? I thought it was 'Message to God', but in all the lyrics sites I look at, it's not...

Anyone know??

Another Battle
Sam & Dean; R
Prompt: Fight or Flight

( 'Get the fuck over here Winchester, you pussy little shitface.' )

OH MY GOD We have a winner.

What a fantastic episode!! Though, as Television without Pity pointed out, there were obvious lapses in story continuity (perspectives, flashbacks to things no-one witnessed etc) BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK CUZ SAM WAS THE GAYEST BITCH EVER in this episode. I love that. I LOVE how gay Dean thinks Sam is. I love how Dean thinks he is suave, and he would never just a fuck a total whore because she was there, and he was there, even if she had just thrown up in her mouth a little bit.

I loved Bobby being all WTF don't make me smack you boys down, which was kind of sad because I would love to see have seen John sorting out domestic issues between his boys.

I hated how many nuts Dean can fit into his mouth (...), he looked scary, but conversely loved how he said "yikes" during the alien slow dance story. Also, loved him burying his face in the cleavage of random strippers WHAT I'm only human (with a bosom burning for his facial patronage.)

Sigh. What a great show. I happy.

Just the Necessary Two
Dean; G
No Spoilers – for Prompt Wrath


( Dean’s seen it before in Sammy’s eyes )

Even though I don't know anyone on LJ in real life, I was so impressed with the invite I made for my birthday next week I thought I better post it...mainly cuz the people who are actually receiving give less than a shit about SPN...



Teehee

Two Minds
Dean/Sam; R
Prompt: Hair of the Dog

( Dude you were pretty wasted last night... )

Hahaha.

A Substitute Hunt
Dean/Jess; PG
Spilled Milk prompt

( She sat on the edge of his bed, head in her hands )